Saturday, February 28, 2009


tim and i have always settled our differences in a very mature, thoughtful manner. rock. paper. scissors. it always seems to settle even the most heated debate. its fair as fair can be. however, with this particular debate, rock, paper, scissors isnt cutting it. So, i thought i can be open minded enough to hear from our friends and family. here is the "discussion" : Tim wants to purchase a rifle. his aurgument is that almost any gun will hold its value (if not increase in value),its not terribly expensive ($400-$500), he'd be able to hunt with it, and, well, he wants it. he also states with our current political circumstances it may get harder to purchase guns. my arugument: I dont think its the right time for a big purchase. In this LEAN time, i think, cash in hand is better. so, i'd rather put the money in savings and have it in case of an emergency. so, we are at a stalemate. we are going to run this voting poll for 1 week. at the end of the week tim and i agree to hold to the voting results. PLEASE only vote once per person. Feel free to add comments as we will definately be interested in hearing for/against comments.
Here is a link to see the gun he wants to purchase.

harrison's vote

should the suels purchase a rifle?

View Results
Create a Blog Poll

Thursday, February 26, 2009

just the two of us

today was a bit disorienting for me. i was a mom for only one baby today. tim's cousin died this week and her funeral was in Camden, Arkansas. tim, his mom, and harrison drove up last night to attend the funeral and see family. after my last road trip/hotel stay with lockett, i have decided it would be best not to travel with both kids for a while. at least until my Post Traumatic Stress Disorder from that trip begins to fade.
but, i was left here with only one child. and my predominate thought?? what was i thinking when i thought ONE was hard? I remember, when harrison was a bitty baby, thinking that having one baby was hard. HA! i laugh at that now. what did i do with all that free time? one baby! but having only one child to take care of has been wonderful, easy, and we have had such sweet bonding time. i have pretty much been at locketts beck and call and he hasnt known what to do with me. he seems to be a lost sheep wondering around from room to room in his walker. he must be missing his fearless leader. with as much cheek smashing, body squishing, and karate chopping as lockett endures, he sure seems to miss his brother.

Monday, February 23, 2009


occasionally, harrison and i will be sitting down working on something and have some very sweet time together. again, occasionally. well, recently harrison and i had this conversation:
harrison said, "mom, i really think you are a beautiful girl."
i said, "thank you harrison. and i think you are a really smart boy."
he said, "i love you. will you marry me?"
i smiled, "harrison, i am already married."
his smile disappeared and he said, "oh. when?"
i said, "i married your dad. about 10 years ago."
harrison said, "really? well, was i there?"
I said, "no."
harrison smiled and said," i know. i was in your belly, right?"
I said, "no baby. you werent. your dad and i got married because we love each other and then we had you."
harrison said, "well, i guess that's okay."

here is some sweet "talk time" we had together while "arting" :)

Thursday, February 19, 2009

another day

this post doesnt have some wonderful redeeming moral or point. its just a funny story. but for those of you who know me well, you'll say to yourself, yep. a typical "tara day". for those of you who dont know me well, heres just another day in my crazy life.
i went to tyler this week because i go once a month to be an accountant. one of the many hats i wear. i stay with my parents when i am there. during my visit i went to run errands with my mom. i had my two boys in my car in the backseat. they were, of course, securely strapped into their car seats. my parents live in a gated restricted estate community in the country. everybody knows everybody and all their business. as we drove up into my parents front circular driveway there was a woman walking down the road in front of my parents house. she had 7 large dogs with her. unbelievably, my mom did not know her. in this neighborhood everyone lets their dogs roam free. well the dogs were just roaming crazy. they were in my moms driveway, in her yard, in her flower bed. we drove up and got out of the car and my mom hollered at the woman to please get her dogs out of the yard because we were trying to get our kids out of the car. i mean, we couldnt even move- the dogs were all over us. as we had gotten out of the car i had left my driver side door open and my mom had left her door open. before we could react, one of the 120 pound sheep dogs had leaped into my car and headed for the backseat. i panicked and ran for the back door. i jerked the door open just in time to see the sheep dog about to stand on locketts face. i grabbed the dog and his hind legs and lifted with all my strength to keep him from scratching locketts face to pieces. the dog was enormous and his face was in harrisons face. harrison LOST it. he began screaming. as did my mom. my mom began some native american dance around my car screaming, "the babies, the babies, the babies!!!!" i yelled, "LADY! GET YOUR DOG OUT OF MY CAR!!!", as i held on for dear life to lockett. and let me tell you, a rage took over me. it was a holy momma rage. i was about to tear that dog limb from limb to save my babies. my mom got a hold of herself and with lightening speed unlatched harrison's flailing and screaming body and dragged him from the car. the lady was calmly walking over to the car. I finally was able to release the latch on the seat belt to get locketts car seat free and i pulled him out of the car. the dog was STILL IN THE CAR. the lady had FINALLY made her way to my side of the car. and, i admit it. i yelled at her, "GET YOUR DOG OUT OF MY CAR!!!". she calmly said, "honey, you dont need to be afraid of my dogs."
okay. seriously. i cannot communicate the level of my rage. again, in momma-rage mode, i yelled at the top of my lungs, "LADY. I AM NOT AFRAID OF YOUR DOGS. YOUR. DOG. WAS. STANDING. ON. MY. BABY'S. FACE!!!!!!". at this point the dog had gotten out of my car and she just looked at me and said, "i'll just stand here and let you say whatever it is you feel you need to say."
i was speechless. for about one nanosecond. she DID NOT want me to say what i wanted to say. so i yelled. "lady," and i motioned at all the dogs with my hands, "THIS is not healthy!"
i grabbed my babies and went into the house. i still wanted to tear the dogs into pieces. but more than that, i didnt get the lady's attitude. i mean. let me say this. everyone has off days. i get that. but in most cases, if you are the offender on one of those days, remorse goes a LONG way. had there been ANY remorse, or sorrow, or any hint that my child's FACE was important, it would've been a different story. so, maybe there is a moral here. i dont think i will easily forget this day. and i pray, that on the days that i am the offender -and there will be many- i PRAY i remember this day and show a little humility.

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

i've always wondered, if i was going to fall with a baby in my arms would i drop the baby and try to break my fall instinctively, or would i forsake my body and protect the baby? well, i now know the answer. :)
one day i was coming inside my house from my garage and i was carrying lockett, who was sound asleep in my arms. he didnt even wake up when i pulled him out of the car seat. and harrison was right beside me dragging his linus blanket behind him. he was asking me a million questions and i entered into the laundry room with one hand free, balancing my bags and lockett, and punched in the code to my house alarm to disarm it. i took a few steps forward and right on top of harrisons darn blanket. he, not wanting to let go of it, stepped between my legs to free the blanket and i stepped sideways right onto locketts walker. the walker FLEW out from under my foot and sent me sailing. harrison scrambled, and i knew i was goin' down. i wrapped lockett up the best i could in my arms and landed squarely on top of the walker. it collapsed -no jokes please- and we went all the way down. my elbow came up to protect locketts head and i smacked the devil out of my elbow on our tile floor. as i cringed, i looked at locket to make sure he was okay. he was still tucked safetly in my arms, and he finally woke up and just grinned at me. i got up and surveyed the damage to the walker. it was a pile of rubble. flat as a pancake. i looked at harrison and he calmly walked over to the walker and kicked it hard. he said, "stupid walker". yep. he's a man.
so, i ached for days, but was glad to know my instinct was to protect my baby at all costs. oh, dont worry, when lockett is 16, i'll remind him daily that i sacrificed my body for him.

Thursday, February 12, 2009

it's just us.

so i believe the week of the flu epidemic is coming to a close for us. THANK GOD. however, in the midst of this mess i discovered a funny, but sad truth about our family. let me start from the beginning.
when tim discovered he had a 103 fever sunday night i knew we needed to head to the doctor. by the time we got there monday morning tim and harrison were both running 103. lockett's fever was lower but he definitely sounded worse. so, we showed up for our "family appointment" at our doctors office. we see a family practitioner who has a small office but is wonderful! so, we get there and i go to pull out locketts latest shot record and hand it to the receptionist. she holds her hand out waiting. i dig and dig in the diaper bag and voila! i pull it out. it is soaking wet and in two pieces. i look sheepishly at the receptionist and say, "it must've gotten juice on it...or maybe lockett chewed in it..." she politely grins and quickly drops her hand and says, "just show it to the doctor." then she says, "do you have your new insurance card?" YES! that i have it is a miracle and i am glad to drop the whole soaking wet shot record subject. i reach into my bag and pull out my card. it is melted. literally. it is plastic and it is curled and wrinkled and barely readable. she gives me the fake smile and says,"did lockett chew on it too?". I said indignantly, "no. i left it on the toaster." as if it was perfectly normal. she gives me that patronizing smile and takes the card between her first finger and thumb. uggg... i go to sit down and she says, "wait. please fill out these forms on lockett." he hadnt been seen by them yet. i sighed and said,"are you sure you wanna give me that?" looking at the nice crisp new fancy clipboard. she just fake grinned me.
i started filling out the forms and, shocker, lockett urps all down my sleeve. i put the clipboard down and as i do, it breaks. i just about laughed out loud at the ridiculousness of that. i finished up the papers, attempted to Mcgyver the clipboard so it wouldnt be noticeable, but only made it worse. i resigned myself to facing "the grin" again and got up and walked over to the desk. i handed it to her and said."i warned you," as i handed her the four pieces of the clipboard. she just said,"is it you? who does this in your family?" i replied, "it's all of us. we just break things. my mom used to say it's cause i'm left-handed." i am not sure i buy that theory anymore but we cant test it. tim's lefty. i'm lefty, harrison is probably lefty... so who knows. we ended the visit with harrison throwing up in the doctors office. nice.

here's a look at how lockett dealt with the flu.

Monday, February 9, 2009

my sand and waves...

this week has been tough. everyone is sick but me. as i type with a headache, scratchy throat and some funk in my chest that is ungodly. even if i allowed myself to think i was sick, how does one go about taking time off from babies? 'cause if theres an answer, SIGN ME UP. i see other women out there joyfully serving hot tea to their sick husbands laid out on the recliner. but all i wanna do is scream, get you own dang tea! i wish i had that patience. i wish i had that servant heart.
late last night, as i worked furiously at my business (at home) and everyone else was tucked safely away in their beds, i swallowed the jealously like a lump of coal in my throat and exhaustedly laid my head down on my hand-me-down kitchen table (thanks liz). the coolness felt good to my forehead. and i caught a glimmer of something shiny out of the corner of my eye. it was a piece of sea glass. i have a basket on my table thats full of the shiny pieces of treasures. immediately in my storm of exhaustion and frustration, that tiny piece of broken abused tossed out glass brought an instant smile to my face.
ive often been asked why i collect the broken pieces of glass and there are so many things that come to my mind when i am asked that. but what brought the smile to my face last night was the memories. the memories of scuttleing (its a word. i think.) down an embankment to get to the maine shore to collect the pieces. the laughter and excitement when a great piece was found. the memory of aaron fantasizing that the piece he just found came from a pirate wreckage. the fun of watching my family all love the maine coast and time together. i remember laughing as tim instead of sticking to the task at hand, began skipping rocks in ever increasing sizes. :) and harrison eating rocks as a baby and us wondering if the tide was coming in and how much time we had before our car parked on the sand BAR of BAR harbor would be under water in the atlantic. those little broken pieces of discarded trash brought such joy and memories and literally provided a pick me up when i needed it so badly.
thanks god, for such beautiful creations. only god would take broken shards of glass that were littered into the ocean and have the ocean and sand carve them into shiny jewels. kinda like us.

Friday, February 6, 2009

pigs. seriously.

so alot of you know i dont like meat. i dont like to eat it, look at it, touch it, or even think about it. its not a religous view, spiritual issue, or crusade. maybe it comes from growing up in a veterinarians house. always SAVING the animals. not eating them. or maybe it comes from following the chicken trucks to work for 2 years. i still am not sure what the fluid was that came from the chicken truck and splattered all over my car. maybe i dont want to know. whatever the reason, meat grosses me out.
then theres tim. its isnt a meal without meat. breakfast. meat. lunch. meat. dinner. meat meat. i have learned to deal. cook it, and shove it aside on my plate.
well, recently tim has become obsessed (thats not a poorly chosen or exaggerated word-OBSESSED) with pigs. hunting them, watching them, tracking them, baiting them. you name it. wild hogs in texas are prolific, nasty, and destructive. and tim thinks its a good idea to hunt them and bring the meat home. which he does successfully(unfortunately). and harrison is LOVING it. he loves to go out and track them down and come home telling me all about it. but a 3 year old knows few boundaries. here is a recent conversation between me and harrison.
"hey mom, what meat is this?" harrison stabs at his lump of carcass on his plate.
i answer, "it's meat. harrison. just eat it."
he says, "yeah, but is it cow, or pig, or chicken?"
tim interrupts. "it's cow, baby. its beef. yummy!" (probably out of fear of my tainting harrison against meat)
i grimace slightly. harrison says, "who killed it? who shot it and cut it up on my plate?"
tim says, "it came from the store." and grins as both he and harrison continually stab their meat and take big bites.
i take my plate to the sink.
underneath it all there is a silver lining. its an easy diet for me. now, if i could just get the enormous bag of m&ms off the counter.

by the way, i am pretty sure thats pig poo hes laying next to.

the Art in my life

"Every child is an artist. The problem is how to remain an artist once he grows up." Picasso.

i really believe this. we are a house of artists. the boys, artists by the fact that they are children. tim, the musician and song writer. me? well, thats a little harder to define. for those very few, very loved friends of mine, you've seen my art in the form of a handmade journal. or perhaps you've stumbled upon my hidden drawings. regardless, i have always wished i was an artist. and i think, if i were more childlike in my approach to art, you'd all get to see it. I hide it for fear of it being judged. but this week i attended my son's art show at grace. he couldnt have been more proud. he showed his art to me absolutely beaming. and i thought, it was the very best art i have ever seen. that is not just from a mom being kind to her son. i think it comes from seeing his face. he was proud and, darn it, so was i.



Monday, February 2, 2009

getting it done

I was outside working in the yard this weekend while the boys were napping and as i was dragging large piles of branches to the trash pile i had a thought. i thought this is a job for a energetic three year old. so i promptly put the banches down and waited for harrison to wake up. i thought we'd have fun working outside on a pretty day and i would get him nice and tired. :) but, to prevent any hesitation on harrison's part. i thought we should make it irresistible. here is the result.